I am trying very hard to stay distracted, I am trying hard to stay strong, but tomorrow is going to be hard. Tomorrow is going to be one of the harder days of my life. I know a due date is just a prediction, but it was a date that was special to me. Any Mother can relate. This was the date I looked forward to for 9 months. Tomorrow is officially 40 weeks. Tomorrow is 9 months.
I think about my son every single day, and every single day leading up to this date I imagine what could have been if he had survived. What life would be like if I were to have had him. I should be bathing him, putting his to sleep, spending endless hours nursing him, singing him songs, telling him how much I love him, sharing precious moments with Eric and Scarlett surrounding this new member of our family.
I thought I would be very sad leading up to tomorrow, but rather I am angry. I feel like something very important has been stolen from me. It isn’t fair. Lately have not written much on my blog or my Facebook because I have really lacked the words to describe how I feel. There is a lot of confusion, anger and resentment.
Tomorrow I am going to allow myself to feel crazy, angry, sad, whatever I need to just get through the day. I have dreaded this day every day since Jack passed and here it is so quickly.
I miss you baby boy. Our time together was way to short. I will always love you and I will always remember you. You were and always will be my special angel.