Today I gave my self the gift of therapy. I must admit, I am one of those Women who believe they have got it all under control. I am one of those Women who believe that they can do it all on their own. This weekend I decided that I needed help. The frustration, anger, sadness, and grief became to much. I felt like I was drowning in confusion, anxiety and ultimately depression. It got to be to much for me to handle on my own, and I am thankful that today I reached out for help. It has been nearly 2 months since I lost my son. I thought that through that time it would get easier. I assumed that grief was linear and that I would just gradually ease out of the pain.
I am learning that isn’t the case. I am learning that grief is a zig zag of lines. Grief is an absolute mess of emotions and experiences. I am no expert, but grief really sucks. I have been very quiet on my social media lately because I am really at a loss of what to say. I miss him so much, and I am so sad that I lost him, but my sadness has transferred its self to other aspects of my life. My over all out look on life has completely changed. Once I noticed that I was struggling to write, and I was struggling to find the joy in the simple things… I knew I was dealing with depression.
So here I am on this healing mission. Two steps forward, and 3 steps back… but one day I will make it.
Therapy was exactly what I needed today. I just needed to talk and I needed to cry, and I needed to be angry, and I needed someone to just say “you’re going to be okay. We are going to make sure you are okay.” I needed an advocate. For once I needed someone else to catch me and advocate for me.
If you are struggling with Depression or Anxiety please know that there are so many resources out there to help you get back to healthy again. There are so many people out there that will advocate for you and will help you heal. You just need to ask! Have the courage to just say HELP. You aren’t being weak… you are being brave. Asking for help is simply BRAVE. Depression does not mean you are giving up, depression means you are fighting one heck of a battle and you are a warrior.