Our adoption journey pt 2
Adoption seemed over whelming and impossible when we sat down to make our plan. We had no idea what we were doing. We trusted the opinion of everyone because we did not know what questions to ask or where to turn. Fortunately we aligned ourselves with an honest and fair Agency in Michigan. They helped us to navigate the overwhelming and exciting journey of adoption. This agency guided us to where we should look for a match and helped us with our home study. Unfortunately we ran into a situation where we were taken advantage of with a different “agency”.
We were approached by a representative from an “adoption agency” so the google search description said. We were given a ton of information right off the bat and trusted what we were doing. After talking with several people about adoption we eventually realized this company was not an agency, but rather a “facilitator”. The only thing a facilitator does is match you with a baby and help you create your look- book to be presented to birth Mothers. The entire time that we worked with this facilitator we were under the impression that they were an adoption agency and the money that we were paying to them would cover the entire adoption and all fees included. We were quoted $15,000 total and given then opportunity to pay in installments. We paid 7 installments before we realized that they were not an agency and we were actually paying them a fee to find a match for us and not to actually execute the adoption for us.
We paid $7,000 to this facilitator up front and were never shown one situation, there were 40 plus waiting families and just a handful of people had been matched in since the month we came on board in January. When we asked the Facilitator to refund us our money as we were not aware the difference between agency and facilitator. How were we to know? We were clueless about what we were doing. We read the contracts and asked questions but really was UN-sure of what questions to even ask. We asked for our $7,000 because we felt misguided and mislead. We stopped working with this facilitator before we were out a total of $15,000.
In conclusion not a dime was refunded to our family. The facilitator kept every penny we gave them. $7,000 into someones pocket and we were left with no match and back at ground zero. This was salt on our wounded journey as we were still paying for the hospital bills from when we had to deliver the boys. I spent many nights crying over the money that we were out. We felt so frustrated and defeated. $7,000 is a lot of money to part with and it set us back in our adoption journey. We had to pull back for a few more months and save back up enough funds to adopt. Please email me email@example.com if you would like to know who this facilitator is. I will be glad to share so that you can avoid making the same mistake that we did.
When we came back on board with a fresh perspective and weariness we felt more confident and ready to pursue our dream. We refused to pay anyone up front before we were matched and we decided that we would exclusively adopt a special needs child because that is where our hearts were headed. After loosing a baby with special needs we felt very strongly about giving a home to a baby in real need. We had prepared our minds, and our lives for a special needs child! That is a massive decision and we decided it would be a blessing to continue forward with that plan.
We found that with every typical adoption there are somewhere around 50-100 plus families sending in their profiles to be viewed by the birth Mother. These “non special needs” adoptions were absolutely going to find a family. There was no question or doubt! There are so many waiting families for every typical infant adoption situation! We felt that if we were going to spend the money on adoption we want that money to go to the child who actually needs it. We wanted to give a child who was actually in need a chance at a beautiful life.
This may upset some readers, but we just had so much trouble finding a situation or agency that we felt comfortable and confident with. In many situation we felt like there were so many hands in the pot and it began to feel like we were part of a Baby auction. We literally felt like we were buying a baby. That was not our goal in the beginning. When we envisioned our adoption journey we envisioned a child in need and blessing that child with a hope and a future. Do not get me wrong. There were some adoption agencies and facilitators that we felt comfortable and confident with, but for the most part, it felt like we were participating in a giant Baby auction.
For a list of my favorite Adoption Agencies and Facilitators please email me at anitamiron@anitagetfit.
I will share with you who and what to avoid as well who and what to invest your time and money into.
– My biggest piece of advise do not pay astronomical amounts of money before being matched with a situation. Find facilitators and agencies who charge a moderate a reasonable fee up front and the remainder of their final fee’s after the adoption match.
– The only things you should be paying upfront: Your Home Study (make sure your agency does not hold ownership of your home study) and an application fee. An appropriate application fee is about $100-500.
– Make sure you are working with an agency that does not require you to work with them and only them. Other situations will present themselves and you do not want to be tied to one agency.
– Pay the application fee to multiple agencies and work with whoever matches you with the right situation.
– Be weary of potential scams. There are scammers who say they are pregnant in hopes that you will pay their financial needs and then they dissapear.
– Know that all aspects of adoption require giant leaps of faith. Nothing is guaranteed.
In conclusion we started on the wrong foot with our adoption journey! We got bruised big time. Once we were back in the swing of things we started to feel excited again! We made great connections all over social media!
I had no idea that around the corner was my third tragic loss…
to be continued.